My friend’s possessive boyfriend.

I feel like it has been a while I blogged. Though I know it has just been two days that I didn’t post anything, due to so many latest things happening in my life. But anyways life has been great I guess. 
So, one of my best friends, someone I have been close to for a long while. Upto 4 years, right from the start of college. We have been really tight buddies including  a group of three other close pals. We meet up, have fun, chill at eachothers home, we have had awesome sleepovers and nights out together. That is how close our gang is.  Recently, one of my besties started dating a guy. You could say it is probably her first ever relationship. Yes, I know it is exciting and a beautiful thing to finally meet someone and build a relationship together with that person.

Relationships are amazing and brings the best out of people. But, all I can say is that relationship has changed her. She has gotten so wierd. Her boyfriend is so possessive and controlling that he gets angry when she spends time with us ( Her friends that have been with her before him).


 

When he calls, it doesn’t ring for one second and she rushes to pickup the call. She says he would get angry with her. We have tried telling her that it is wrong allowing him control her life. He gets suspicious of her. Doesn’t trust her. She basically can’t tell him she is spending the day with her friends, he would flip and get jealous or angry. 


Yes such an insecure guy!!! On her birthday, we and her cousins were at her place and helping celebrate her birthday. He fought with her on the call and was so selfish. (she got bitten by a dog that day and when she told him crying on the call explaining why she couldnt talk to him on the call at that moment, all he could say is she was faking it). I seriously don’t understand what sort of person he is. I’m sad that my friend is being taken for granted. We as her friends have tried spelling out this bad behaviour but she is so blinded and manipulated. 

She keeps saying he reads the bible. They pray together. 

But, that doesn’t make his behaviour acceptable. A person who loves you wouldn’t treat you that way. Also, someone who follows God’s way wouldn’t act that way either. 

A relationship is not one way. It has to be two people helping to improve eachother not a fight for control or one dominating the other partner. 

I have never seen her change so much in the span of time she has been with him. Change is okay when it is good but change from good to bad is just not the right kind of change I was expecting. The thing is she says every relationship is not perfect but you have to make it work when you love the person you are with. Yes no doubt, no relationship is perfect but it takes two people to make it work. All I see is one person taking advantage of the other person all in the name of love. The relationship is working all at the cost of her hapiness. I went to her house recently,  she was just talking to him 24/7. She hardly had time to talk to me. She didn’t seem happy. She didn’t eat for 2 days when I stayed at her place. She locked herself in her room. I literally became sheldon from big bang theory when he knocked on penny’s door, the only difference is my penny didn’t respond and just stayed indoor. At some point, I was really scared but felt helpless because her mom and dad weren’t home ( they went on a vacation). 

Now, all I see is someone being oppressed and isn’t strong enough to detach herself from this toxic relationship.

 

As a friend I will try to be there for her and tell her the truth always. But at the end of the day, it is her decision to make. I hope and pray that God gives her the strength to see the truth behind all his lies. It hurts to feel that she is distant. 😦 😦 😦
How does one help a friend in such a situation? Because I want to help her get out of it.  If only she would accept my helping hand.

54 Replies to “My friend’s possessive boyfriend.”

  1. Sometimes it takes more than one person bringing the same message. You should get her to meet up with you and the rest of the friend group and then all of you as a group can try to talk this out. Show her 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and ask her if the love she is getting from this guy meets that standard. Maybe she’ll realize that she doesn’t truly love this guy either based on 1 Corinthians. Then show her how much she is loved already.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Yes. That is what we were planning on doing. Because we feel that if we get her to meet us out she will be able to open up abt things going on with her. I will show her the bible verse too. So she knows biblically what the scripture says. Hopefully we can help her. But I don’t want us coming across to strong that she thinks we are ganging up against her. Cz when we tried before she felt we were. But thanks for the scripture you suggested. I guess this could help her understand things more. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t understand possessive people. They restrain people from doing what they want to do, controlling their every aspect. May be it is the fear of losing or I don’t know. But love isn’t that. Love is not how one controls the other, it is not about understanding each other, giving each the freedom to what they want to do, and being there for one another in all situations.

    I also want to help your friend but I don’t know how. May be try explaining her how love really works. May be a couple of examples might help. Or umm, if it doesn’t help her get out of this relationship, I think and urge you to be there for her because you and I both know that this is going to end, if not now maybe in a while. So, just try to be there for her when she finally realises and loses all hope in love. I think you could help her there and not let her lose hope.

    P.S. Thanks for visiting my blog twice in a day. I couldn’t comment earlier on your post. Sorry about that.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Na. No apologies. Your blog is amazing. ❀ I believe that experience is the best teacher. If she doesn't learn now she will learn it later on. But I don't want her to get hurt real bad that is why I'm trying to protect her. Because I know how much she loves this guy. And if it ends rough she will be damaged. It is really scary. I just pray that it doesn't end bad. And she realises it before it is too late. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah. Most probably. I believe that there is a right person for me and for everyone. Only with time you will know when you meet that special someone. πŸ™‚ waiting is the best I have come to realise.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. What a coincidence to read this today of all days,when I myself have posted today on the sames issue. Someone I know is going through the same issue, though it’s a marriage that is in question. I feel suching out people are not just afraid of getting out of such relationships but also give up on trying to get out. Probably it’s because of love or because they don’t want to be alone,or because they feel they will be admonished by the society. But a relationship like that can only get nowhere. You are being a good friend in being worried about her. But keep trying to make her see the light because often they blindfold themselves in poisonous relationships.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow. It’s really such a coincidence. And yes our blogs share similar views and interest. I’m really sad though that your friend is in that kind, of marriage. It’s more difficult than just a relationship though I’m not saying they don’t hv the same problems and pain or struggle but it’s harder when you are married to such a person. One of the main things I told my friend. I told her if she is going to be willing to be submissive her whole life then I wish her all the best to think of marriage with him but if one day she is going wake up to realisation and start expecting him to treat her right. She should know that he would never treat her, right at that point. She has to make, her stand now or forever be, silent and suffer the consequences. I know, it is not easy bt it’s the right thing to do.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes being in a marriage makes it a lot more difficult. You did the right thing by warning her of the consequences. Let’s hope that both our friends eventually come out of these relationships and start living thier lives better.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes. I pray for that too. Hopefully God gives them the strenght. So they can change their life into a positive one. πŸ™‚πŸ™‚πŸ™‚πŸ™‚πŸ™‚πŸ™‚β˜Ί

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh it’s sad to know about your friend and yes relationship is to make us strong. It’s not about controlling others life.And I believe that the burden of such possessive relationship should be removed if it’s possible.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s not impossible but it takes a lot of strength. Because of loving that person so much and hoping one day he will change or that your love would make him/her realise. But sadly I don’t know if people change that easily. They normally take the love you provide for granted and use it as a weapon against you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Indeed, it is ironical that love is your strength but at the same time it is also your weekness..we wait for the things to get right just because we love ,we care but sometimes its too late for the things to get corrected.. however I know how difficult it is to bear the pain of such relationship.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Tell your friend that love is all about having trust in each other. If he can’t trust you and he is not with you in your bad days then why he’s is giving the name LOVE to his fake relationship. He doesn’t worth her. And she deserves her life to live at its fullest not like a prisoner

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes. Exactly what I hv been trying to tell her. But sometimes u know they are so blinded in love. And other insecurities that make them feel like they hv to compromise. All I can do as a friend is just keep advising her and be by her side throughout.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Thanks for sharing your testimony. I feel your pain and understand what you’re going through with your friend. Unfortunately, your friend will have to make this mistake on her own. The important thing is that you can stand by her and be there when it falls. You don’t have to be in agreement. It also sounds like this boyfriend is hiding behind the Bible. Scripture doesn’t teach anyone to treat people like that. Sorry to be judgemental , but unfortunately it seems U way to me and I’m judging in Love. I will pray for her and you. There will be a time where you can drop small seeds/hints about the way he’s treating her. Just be there for her for now. πŸ’Ÿ

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly. This is the mindset I have now. You spoke the truth. I have realised that sometimes people learn from their own mistakes. All I can do is be by her side and keep giving the hints. And yes, he hides by the bible. Unfortunately. I am sure one day she will realise. I just hope it doesn’t destroy her. Hopefully she gets out of it before it consumes her entirely. Thank you for the prayers. And your words. ❀ ❀ <3. Much love from here too. I shall be praying too.

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      1. Indeed. You are welcome. I hope she doesn’t eventually push everyone out of her life. Most toxic relationships usually pysh others away and then the abuse gets worse. You are welcome. πŸ’Ÿ

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Yup. A lot don’t understand it. I didn’t at first, but now I do. Also, the word doesn’t work if you pick and choose verses that fit what you want to work. Does that make sense? Also, I’m just saying YOU. But I dont mean you specifically. Just FYI 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yea you are making total sense. Many people pick the verses they want or like and overlook the others that they don’t like. Which makes them oblivious to what the bible actually is saying. And yeah I know you weren’t referring to me. πŸ˜‰ ❀

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Ask her whether she respects herself or not? make her realize her own importance. Tell her to love herself first and not to waste this precious time meant to spend with friends as this time will not come again. Tell her to be a strong girl who knows what she wants. Tell her ” A lady doesnot do anything at the cost of her respect and that she is acting as a weak girl and her relationship is not inspiring or charming to others, say i myself never want to be in that relationship, not at all, because i respect myself and it’s not selfish, it is actually healthy to care of yourself…..At last i know she wont bother your opinion much. Yaa love is blind.. But like everybody she also has a limit. And when that crosses, she would move on.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah you are right. I have told her all this. Everthing possible. I will keep on telling her the same thing. No matter what happens. As a friend I have to offer that much. The rest is in her own hand. Thanks a lot for the advise. Really appreciate it. πŸ˜πŸ˜™

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I feel your pain Grace – I’ve been there with a close friend of mine trusting and loving a guy who wasn’t good enough even to clean her shoes! This guy was a dickhead of the highest order – manipulative, controlling, selfish. He used my friend for his own gains and kept trying to pressure her into sex whilst telling her he doesn’t want a girlfriend. My friend got very upset about it but she did not want to leave him. She said he made her feel good when she was with him… and they would do sexual acts together but she just would not go the whole way with him, which he found super annoying. I was proud of my friend for not having full sex with this guy. He did not deserve her at all and was not willing to make her his gf… this toxic “relationship” lasted for around 2-3 years!
    Luckily my friend found a much nicer bloke on a dating app and ended up dating him instead. She is now very happy with her new guy and has been with him for nearly 1 year! Her new guy is sweet and caring and I get on well with him. He treats my friend with respect and loves her properly. I feel very happy for my friend and her new boyfriend.
    When she was with the dickhead I was just a very good friend to her – I let her talk whenever she needed too and I let her rant and cry. I let her tell me how much she loved dickhead and I refrained from saying anything directly negative about him. Then when she got with her new lovely boyfriend I lavished him in praise and let my friend know how well I think of him. It pleases her that we get on πŸ™‚

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