When a guy says he doesn’t want to commit.

I met my ex on tinder. Yes, first of all I shouldn’t be on tinder if I wanted to meet decent guys. But yeah we all do such stupid things sometimes. Don’t we? In fact, I wasn’t attracted to him that much. But he sure charmed me with his personality. You can’t be fooled by a guy’s all so perfect personality and kindness sometimes ( yes girls listen carefully). I ignored him for one year, though he checked on me once in a while. Then I finally one day decided to meet him. Yes stupid me. But, his looks didn’t really make me attracted to him. I decided to not go on his looks. He was average looking. I decided that I would give him a chance. ( Damn I should have known that not-so-goodlooking-guys would turn out to be trouble too). Stupid me again. We hung out and yes he was perfect. He complimented me everytime he saw me. He said I was beautiful. He treated me like how a perfect gentleman would. His goodmorning messages were the first messages I saw when I wokeup ( I get up at 6:00am in the morning for college). So I definitely was all he thought of at night and the first person he thought about in the morning (or maybe I’m just foolish to think so). Then, I visited his house. But never had sex. Just made out. He had told me that his business partner\friend was abroad. So I guess maybe that was why he had so much free time to meet me regularly. I never had a complaint. Then one fine day, I stopped getting goodmorning messages. But he did mesage me during the day to check on me. I found out that his friend was back. We still met up again. But this time he tells me out of nowhere that he didn’t want me thinking we were dating and that he didn’t want any commitment. I thought I had done something wrong but he said it wasn’t like he was going to be seeing anyone except me.  But I just couldn’t understand why he would say that all of a sudden. So that made me upset.  And I started acting rude to him. I would tell him to fuck off when he would message me. Because I was so scared of getting hurt. I tried to push him away as fast as I could. Then he still kept messaging. Then I told him I was seeing a guy who was my on and off boyfriend. I told him the guy understood me. But I guess he didn’t believe me. He still kept calling me babe. That was the beginning of the end. We fought. Then, I did something stupid. Even though I knew it was already bad. I decided to have sex with him. We went out for drinks. Hung out together. He said he had fun. I said I did too. Then he dissappears for one day. And then messages me saying hey babe after one day. And I told him I was out with an ex to watch a movie. And that was the conversation for that day. Then, he messaged after two did as.  This time I just replied saying I’m not your babe and so you do remember me? And his reply was he already told me he didnt want commitment. And that was the end of the conversation. But he still kept in touch. Then I just retaliated. Saying things like don’t take to me. But we once tried being friends but I couldn’t at the end of the day because I was hurt. And kept on being rude. The last call we had was where I poured out all I felt and he asked me. What do I want? And I said I don’t know. He got pissed off and told me that why would I want to talk to him just to get revenge. But I was so scared to tell him I wanted him. The fear of being rejected. Then later on I was the one messaging him. But I figured it was best to move on. Atleast he didn’t tell me to fuck of. But he was always polite. The last time I asked him a question which I wasn’t prepared for the answer. I asked him if he was seeing antone.  He said yes but not like the bf and gf thing. That was the last straw for me. Maybe I take offense when a guy says he doesn’t want to commit. But I believed that if a guy said he didn’t want to commit. He jus wanted a for fuck buddy. I definitely wasn’t willing to be that kind of person. I lost my virginity to a guy who just wasn’t right for me but I have learnt from it. I later on went on to have a rebound sex with my on and off boyfriend. Whom I have cut of ties from ever since. I may not have absolutely been the nices person. But he made me so insecure because of his statement. Everything was perfect till the mention of commitment. I just feel that maybe he wanted to have someone who was available when he wasnt busy working. I couldn’t just be in that sort of relationship. I wish the new girl all the best. And now I wonder why I didn’t take it seriously when he said he had been with 5 girls in a short time span. Well experience does teach you a lot.

Why do most people feel comfortable talking to you only on Facebook. ? 

So, there is boy in my class. I knew him as a person that he existed but didn’t really talk to him. He was my senior in college. I sent him a friend request on Facebook just without any agenda and then one day. I received a message from him. He didn’t really know how to converse in English very well buy I knew from whatever English he spoked to me that he was flirting with me. But I didnt really reciprocate that much because since he is a senior in college and I would see him regularly. It was better not to flirt back and create drama in college. But now, he got dropped back. Anywys he did tell me that he failed and would be joining our class for the next semester. So that even made me more conscious of not flirting and ding anything stupid that I would regret later. So nowadays, I see him regularly in class. Basically, it just feels like he doesn’t know me. And I’m a stranger to him. But I haven’t tried talking to him or saying anything about our Facebook chat because I feel things should just be left the way it is. But why do people prefer to chat and be themselves on Facebook and in person they shy away from any form of conversation. It’s really wierd. Because now I feel like those conversations didn’t happen and he is just someone who just popped up in class. Well, I’m going to continue not talking to him. And if ever I get the chance to talk to him. I’m definitely going to act like it’s my first time and that the Facebook conversation never happened. 

Is it a crime to be single?

Most of the time, when people ask me if I’m single and I say yes. They never seem to believe it or maybe they think it’s impossible for anyone to be single. 

Even though most people today, I might consider to be single because they stay in relationships that is sometimes a open relationship, we are just friends with benefits tagline ( which in my own opinion,you can just flat out say that people just want to have sex but are too broke or think highly of themselves to pay a professional for sex). 

My believe is nowadays people are getting sex for free. They get it without paying, makes me think of what the world has become. Their excuse is they don’t want to emotionally invest. They don’t want the responsibility of understanding  another human being. They dont want attachments. Well, why don’t they just be single? Because I think being in a open relationship is good till someone catches the feelings then it becomes awkward. Then either they decide to be in a relationship or just move on in search of someone who can’t catch feelings. Which in my opinion is impossible. Human being have emotions for a reason. 

Most of the time, some people are hurt from the past. Some are just selfish. Think about themselves. But still want the pleasure of life. It is better to be single than try to change the way life works. The way human emotions are meant to function because at the end of the day. People get hurt. Walls get built. More insecurities flood in. The more messed up one becomes if you think you can walk through different people with the aim of not getting emotionally attached in some sort of way. It isn’t a crime to be single if you need to focus on yourselves for a while. But don’t be selfish enough to go through life thinking you can use people and not be affected negatively by it. Each person brings so much baggage to the table in your life. Choose wisely who you want to be with. Be single if you want to be. But open relationships might not be my cup of tea and those who do it. It’s their choice. But there are consequences in every thing you do in life. Stay safe. 

Procrastination has come to an end. First blog post

Is anyone a victim of procrastination? EVERYONE. ME. LOL. I say I want to do so many things but never end up doing it. I’m pretty sure anyone living on this planet called earth has this same disease. Yes, I sometimes think I’m sick because I keep procrastinating about many important things in my life. When I say important things, yes it’s the important things in life we keep at the side accumulating dust in a dark room somewhere at the back of our brain. Yes, a dark room filled with dark secrets. Ha.
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