Why a woman shouldn’t say yes to living in relationships.

Yes, this is to all my ladies out there. I just want to share my views on living in relationships in a woman’s perspective. Hey hey, I’m living with my boo. That’s oh! You are so lucky!. Why ladies? Just why? I’m pretty sure there is no lady out there that hasn’t dreamt of what she would wear on her wedding day. What her dress would look like? How her perfect dream man would propose to her in a fairytale arrangement. 

No doubt that we women think about this. Now I know some ladies love the fact that they can takecare of their man, cook for him, be the perfect woman he could ever want. But, why are you in a hurry woman ?? Why you taking the role of a wife before he popped the question or even think of getting married to you? 

This just amazes me. Yes, some might get lucky. But most of us just sit and wait. And wait. And wait.  Till we get past 10 abortions, bruised eyes, emotionally drained, manipulation, physically spent etc etc to finally see clearly that we have been wasting years praying that he would pop the question. Finally when you break up with him. He gets married to his perfect dream girl in just months of dating. 

Ironic, you think. But, why would you think he was going to marry you in the first place. When you put him in a comfortable and the best position ever. He gets his regular sex when needed. He gets you to cook for him. Etc You shown him your self worth is just nothing but if he treated you like his wife, he didn’t have to marry you. Since you already got him acting like your husband without popping the question. Then why you get mad when he hasn’t asked you to marry him? Then don’t get upset if he pops the question to someone who he thinks actually wants to get matried.  Isn’t it so obvious that he thinks you dont care about the ring on the finger. Stop decieving yourself if you do care about him putting a ring on your finger and move out of the house. Asap. Ladies, Don’t let him dry you up that you have no more surprises left. A man wants a woman that would make he run the miles. That wouldn’t be easy. That would respect herself. Have values. A woman that knows what she wants. And what is this generation turning into.? I have a friend. She is 19 year old. Already living with her 25 year old boyfriend. Like girlfriend, you have 25 years till forever ( I guess the age women start thinking of marriage or get married.  ) yes till forever to be a wifey. Why rush into it so soon? Having risk of getting yourself pregnant and abortion is the next option because you are too scared to be a young mama.

 And your boyfriend is too scared to be a father. But funnily both of y’all are not scared to have sex. How do you want to live everyday getting pregnancy scares. Its stressful. A man that is okay with you aborting a baby has no intention of marrying you. 

If you made the mistake once, don’t make the same mistake twice. He isn’t the right man for you. Break up with him. Ladies, we need to stop being so easy. Hold yourself well. Because at the end of the day a man will marry someone who he respects. Be carefull. Stay safe. Do what is right.

Why do ex’s come back when you already moved on.?

Yes, even though I have dated a lot of guys. ( I’m not proud of the long list) but yeah i still get surprises that no matter how many times I have broken up with a guy. They never come back when I want them to. 

It is totally when I have moved on they walk back into my life. Before, I would get paranoid and think maybe they were watching me. Maybe, they could see me from wherever they were or they had super powers or something. Maybe they got a notification saying she has moved on. Go get her !! Right now!!! So you can make her remember the wounds and the hurt. Funny thing is they haven’t change. Still possess those reasons why you broke up in the first place. Some just come back just to show up once in a while, to see if you still have feelings towards them. They just want to know. The joy I guess they get from it. I had an ex who I knew the exact time and period he would show up. Saying he wanted me back and if I said no, he would get angry and say mean stuff. Tell me he would never come back. 

But then after a series of repeated behaviour, I figured it’s just going to be same old same old. I just had to say no then have him flip and say the same thing, then dissappear. It’s so crazy how I use to get so manipulated. 

I thought them coming back meant that things would be different. But, say no to an ex and he would remind you exactly why it didn’t work out. I’m sure everyone experiences this. If you haven’t. I don’t know why. 

But, I have pretty much grown up so much to the extent that I don’t take back exes. When you leave. You go forever. There is no way back to me. It’s just a one time chance to get it right. Experience is the best teacher. 

What to do when someone tells you they don’t want to commit?

This is very serious problem most people face. I have been there too. Being a victim. Confused as to how to react. What do I say to that person? What should I do ? How do I get out of such a scary situation?.

 

It’s a very stressful scenario because you like the person and don’t want to lose them. You are looking for ways to change their mind. Especially if you are someone that likes to know where you stand in a relationship. When someone says they don’t want to commit, it brings forth so much of negative thoughts and anxiety. You feel like you are bring rejected. When faced with such situation. You should do the following things. 
1) Do not think you can change their mind.

This is the common mistake people do when they are faced with a partner that doesn’t want to commit. They think they can change their decision to commit. The answer is no. You cannot. Don’t try to. They will commit when they want to and you cannot make them. So stop thinking about changing their mind.

2) Sex is a no-no.

If you think having sex with someone that doesn’t want to commit to you will help the situation. You are just deceiving yourself. At the end of the day you will feel used and depressed. So stay away from having sex with that person. You don’t want to get more attached to get really hurt later on.

3) Don’t change what you believe in.

If someone says they don’t want to Commit. You must let them be. Yes it would hurt. But don’t try to sacrifice your feelings and emotions because you don’t want to lose that person. Believe in yourself. You want commitment. Stick to it.  Don’t try to change that because you are scared you might lose them. Wanting commitment is not a crime. You are not wierd.

4) Move on

Its easier said than done. But it isn’t impossible. Yes the sad truth is you both want different things. It’s best to move on. Find someone who wants a committed relationship just like you do. Leave the no commitment guy or girl. Let them carry that baggage to someone who is willing to go on that journey with them. 

5) Don’t be fooled easily.

A person who doesn’t want commitment might like you and still want to be with you. Or some might just want to have sex with you and move on. Make sure you don’t be fooled. There are pretenders that would act like they want to be committed just to have sex with you. So stick to what they told you first. That is, they don’t want a committed relationship. A sudden change shouldn’t make you be fooled. Be careful.

6) Make sure to tell them you are a commitment person.

You must tell them that you can no longer date them because you believe in commitment. You can’t go on that journey with them. And wish them all the best in life. 

7) Close that chapter.

Make sure you shut it down Completely. Don’t encourage any behaviour that would make them think you still want them. Be firm. Approach them with a strong mind. Make sure they know that you are a closed chapter. There is no going back.

8) Beware of the line “let’s see where it goes”

You know you are someone who cannot wait any longer. This line doesn’t work for you. Don’t think otherwise. Let’s see where it goes is the most laziest reply anyone can say to you. Tell them you are not willing to see where it goes. You are moving on. Leave them to the next person after you, to carry that baggage.

I hope I have been a little bit helpful. Life is too short to be crying over spilled milk. A person who is scared of committing just doesn’t see you as someone worth having a relationship with. Value yourself enough to not settle for less. 

When a guy says he doesn’t want to commit.

I met my ex on tinder. Yes, first of all I shouldn’t be on tinder if I wanted to meet decent guys. But yeah we all do such stupid things sometimes. Don’t we? In fact, I wasn’t attracted to him that much. But he sure charmed me with his personality. You can’t be fooled by a guy’s all so perfect personality and kindness sometimes ( yes girls listen carefully). I ignored him for one year, though he checked on me once in a while. Then I finally one day decided to meet him. Yes stupid me. But, his looks didn’t really make me attracted to him. I decided to not go on his looks. He was average looking. I decided that I would give him a chance. ( Damn I should have known that not-so-goodlooking-guys would turn out to be trouble too). Stupid me again. We hung out and yes he was perfect. He complimented me everytime he saw me. He said I was beautiful. He treated me like how a perfect gentleman would. His goodmorning messages were the first messages I saw when I wokeup ( I get up at 6:00am in the morning for college). So I definitely was all he thought of at night and the first person he thought about in the morning (or maybe I’m just foolish to think so). Then, I visited his house. But never had sex. Just made out. He had told me that his business partner\friend was abroad. So I guess maybe that was why he had so much free time to meet me regularly. I never had a complaint. Then one fine day, I stopped getting goodmorning messages. But he did mesage me during the day to check on me. I found out that his friend was back. We still met up again. But this time he tells me out of nowhere that he didn’t want me thinking we were dating and that he didn’t want any commitment. I thought I had done something wrong but he said it wasn’t like he was going to be seeing anyone except me.  But I just couldn’t understand why he would say that all of a sudden. So that made me upset.  And I started acting rude to him. I would tell him to fuck off when he would message me. Because I was so scared of getting hurt. I tried to push him away as fast as I could. Then he still kept messaging. Then I told him I was seeing a guy who was my on and off boyfriend. I told him the guy understood me. But I guess he didn’t believe me. He still kept calling me babe. That was the beginning of the end. We fought. Then, I did something stupid. Even though I knew it was already bad. I decided to have sex with him. We went out for drinks. Hung out together. He said he had fun. I said I did too. Then he dissappears for one day. And then messages me saying hey babe after one day. And I told him I was out with an ex to watch a movie. And that was the conversation for that day. Then, he messaged after two did as.  This time I just replied saying I’m not your babe and so you do remember me? And his reply was he already told me he didnt want commitment. And that was the end of the conversation. But he still kept in touch. Then I just retaliated. Saying things like don’t take to me. But we once tried being friends but I couldn’t at the end of the day because I was hurt. And kept on being rude. The last call we had was where I poured out all I felt and he asked me. What do I want? And I said I don’t know. He got pissed off and told me that why would I want to talk to him just to get revenge. But I was so scared to tell him I wanted him. The fear of being rejected. Then later on I was the one messaging him. But I figured it was best to move on. Atleast he didn’t tell me to fuck of. But he was always polite. The last time I asked him a question which I wasn’t prepared for the answer. I asked him if he was seeing antone.  He said yes but not like the bf and gf thing. That was the last straw for me. Maybe I take offense when a guy says he doesn’t want to commit. But I believed that if a guy said he didn’t want to commit. He jus wanted a for fuck buddy. I definitely wasn’t willing to be that kind of person. I lost my virginity to a guy who just wasn’t right for me but I have learnt from it. I later on went on to have a rebound sex with my on and off boyfriend. Whom I have cut of ties from ever since. I may not have absolutely been the nices person. But he made me so insecure because of his statement. Everything was perfect till the mention of commitment. I just feel that maybe he wanted to have someone who was available when he wasnt busy working. I couldn’t just be in that sort of relationship. I wish the new girl all the best. And now I wonder why I didn’t take it seriously when he said he had been with 5 girls in a short time span. Well experience does teach you a lot.

Why do most people feel comfortable talking to you only on Facebook. ?

So, there is boy in my class. I knew him as a person that he existed but didn’t really talk to him. He was my senior in college. I sent him a friend request on Facebook just without any agenda and then one day. I received a message from him. He didn’t really know how to converse in English very well buy I knew from whatever English he spoked to me that he was flirting with me. But I didnt really reciprocate that much because since he is a senior in college and I would see him regularly. It was better not to flirt back and create drama in college. But now, he got dropped back. Anywys he did tell me that he failed and would be joining our class for the next semester. So that even made me more conscious of not flirting and ding anything stupid that I would regret later. So nowadays, I see him regularly in class. Basically, it just feels like he doesn’t know me. And I’m a stranger to him. But I haven’t tried talking to him or saying anything about our Facebook chat because I feel things should just be left the way it is. But why do people prefer to chat and be themselves on Facebook and in person they shy away from any form of conversation. It’s really wierd. Because now I feel like those conversations didn’t happen and he is just someone who just popped up in class. Well, I’m going to continue not talking to him. And if ever I get the chance to talk to him. I’m definitely going to act like it’s my first time and that the Facebook conversation never happened. 

Is it a crime to be single?

Most of the time, when people ask me if I’m single and I say yes. They never seem to believe it or maybe they think it’s impossible for anyone to be single. 

Even though most people today, I might consider to be single because they stay in relationships that is sometimes a open relationship, we are just friends with benefits tagline ( which in my own opinion,you can just flat out say that people just want to have sex but are too broke or think highly of themselves to pay a professional for sex). 

My believe is nowadays people are getting sex for free. They get it without paying, makes me think of what the world has become. Their excuse is they don’t want to emotionally invest. They don’t want the responsibility of understanding  another human being. They dont want attachments. Well, why don’t they just be single? Because I think being in a open relationship is good till someone catches the feelings then it becomes awkward. Then either they decide to be in a relationship or just move on in search of someone who can’t catch feelings. Which in my opinion is impossible. Human being have emotions for a reason. 

 
Most of the time, some people are hurt from the past. Some are just selfish. Think about themselves. But still want the pleasure of life. It is better to be single than try to change the way life works. The way human emotions are meant to function because at the end of the day. People get hurt. Walls get built. More insecurities flood in. The more messed up one becomes if you think you can walk through different people with the aim of not getting emotionally attached in some sort of way. It isn’t a crime to be single if you need to focus on yourselves for a while. But don’t be selfish enough to go through life thinking you can use people and not be affected negatively by it. Each person brings so much baggage to the table in your life. Choose wisely who you want to be with. Be single if you want to be. But open relationships might not be my cup of tea and those who do it. It’s their choice. But there are consequences in every thing you do in life. Stay safe. 

Procrastination has come to an end. First blog post

Is anyone a victim of procrastination? EVERYONE. ME. LOL. I say I want to do so many things but never end up doing it. I’m pretty sure anyone living on this planet called earth has this same disease. Yes, I sometimes think I’m sick because I keep procrastinating about many important things in my life. When I say important things, yes it’s the important things in life we keep at the side accumulating dust in a dark room somewhere at the back of our brain. Yes, a dark room filled with dark secrets. Ha.