Posted on by Grace

I decided to stop dating.

Right from the age of 13 I have been in and out of several relationships. Back then it was more of a fun thing to do. You meet a boy you like, you start dating. Baam! We call eachother boyfriend and girlfriend. I never really had this feeling of depth to it. Most of the time, my relationships never went beyond a year because for me I approached relationships in a childish way.
I would break up with a guy because he didn’t call me on my birthday. I really had my perception of a relationship in the wrong concept. After dating up to 20 something guys from 13 years to now 20 years old. I realised that I have actually never been alone. I was scared of being alone. Whenever I would decide to not get into another relationship, I would end up getting into one. I realised this had consumed me so much that I didn’t even know who I was. I couldn’t stand being with myself. I started thinking maybe I didn’t love me. 

I started craving to get to know me. I wanted to be in a relationship with myself.  Many people would call me crazy but I needed to be alone. I prayed to God to help me. Yes, I did. It was that serious. It took God a while because I was still getting involved with guys. But, it took God to break me with the last guy i dated to get me out of the mess I was in. He made me realise that it was time. When God wants to get you out of something, he sometimes makes you go through the hard way. I was heart broken. But now I see the reason why it happened. I am in the best position I ever wanted to be. Growing my relationship with God. He is helping me to love myself.  To love my own company.  He has made me realise that In order for me to love someone else or be in a relationship with someone. I need to know what I want. I need to know me. I need to love me. Most of all I need to love him and I need to have a successful relationship with him. 
Being single is not a misery. It is a gift. It gives you the opportunity  to get to know someone worth knowing that is yourself and God. It makes you productive. Helps you focus on being a better you. Sometimes, one needs to be alone to allow God to manifest in your life. Being alone helps God to teach you all you need to know about the perfect man he has in store for you. He makes you prepared and help you recognise the man that he has made to walk with you through life. As I wait for that man , God is by my side.

Has anyone gone through this phase? Or is it just me. The I-don’t-want-to-date anymore-phase-because-I-want-to-date -myself. Or maybe everyone has a different reason why they don’t date anymore. This is just my reason.

37 Replies to “I decided to stop dating.”

  2. Don’t get me wrong being in a relationship is the best thing, but its even better when you’ve finally loved yourself before you can love someone else ❤

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    1. Yes. I don’t doubt that relationships are beautiful experiences. I have just had too many and I needed to really start learning about myself. Find me. Do things I wanted to do. If I didn’t take that decision I wouldn’t be carrying out my own blog. I feel like when you find right person at the right time that complements you and helps you be a better you. Then it is worth a relationship. For me I have just been very immature in most of my relationships because first of all I’m young and then I haven’t taken time to mature as a person. But yes you are right. Having a relationship with someone you love is a beautiful thing. No doubt. I have a second blog where I write poems, feel free to check it out.
      https://poetricksblog.wordpress.com

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      1. Thats completely fair enough, you go girl! Plus finding yourself helps you grow as a person and i have a feeling the universe will make everything fall into place eventually ❤

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      2. Yes babe. Finding yourself is just growing into a whole person. Learning and improving. I have a feeling too that the universe is inviting all the positive energies I could ever want into my life. Thanks so much for being so expressive and sharing with me your intelligent words. You make me realise why blogging is just amazing. This is what makes it amazing. Sharing and learning from eachother. Stay blessed. 🙂 ❤ ❤

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  3. I have been single all my life. I have never been in love. I have never been in a relationship. I was taught about God. And being alone with myself, I have come to a realisation which is like apart from yours. I don’t love myself either. And God, I don’t believe in him either.

    So, I think what God did to you didn’t do to me. He couldn’t even give me love. Well, I can’t blame him, now that I have stopped believing in him either.

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    1. Wow. I have had to go through lots of hurt to be where I am love. I was at a point where I stopped loving God and it was all because of relationship drama I had in my life and some which were family too. I know it is hard to understand my point of view. But I wished I had just waited and not dated so much like I did. Because with every one who comes into your life they leave baggages that you have to carry. Some of the people I dated are no longer in my life and it feels like I never even met them in the first place. So it’s basically like hvn a single life. You will surely find someone at the right time. Wait for the right time. God will only guide you but you will choose what you want for yourself. Being single isn’t a bad thing. Yes when I didn’t date I felt sad and depressed. But love there is nothing wrong with you. Because you probably thinking something is wrong with you. Cz I use to think that way. I thought abt it when I was single. I thought abt it when my relationships didn’t work. You are perfect the way you are. God does what is right. In fact, you have lot of love around you. Just look to the right places. I wish I could give you a hug becz I want you to know that you are loved. Being single has nothing to do with love. You will find the right person one day. Lots of love and big hugs from me. 🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

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      1. I have not spoken about you at all, did I? I did tell about me.

        So, I have a few things to clarify :

        1. I don’t believe in God.
        2. I am single not because I think I can’t be loved. I don’t want to be in a relationship. And I can’t love either. I don’t think God CA help me much there. Because the again, I don’t believe in that.
        3. I highly doubt I’ll find the right person. I am pretty sure if I did, I would tell that person not to.

        I wish you all the best though.

        Thank you. 🙂

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  4. Sorry if I sounded all abt me. I was just sharing though my life experiences. I believe that each one has the choice to choose their own faith. And you have to. We all hv our own life and burdens. no matter what your faith is. You are still amazing. But God still loves you though and will show it to you someday. I shall pray for you just out of care. <3. It's not my place to tell you abt what you choose for your life. But I do believe that everyone will find love. You will come across someone so amazing that you wouldn't want to lose. Maybe not soon bt someday. Everyone meets that one person that would sweep them off their feet. N end up being the one for them. Anywys takecare. God bless. And I wish you all the best too. ❤ ❤

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    1. Aqww you are lucky. I’m exactly waiting for someone that would be special to me and me to him. The main reason I hv decided to not rush into any relationship. Just seek friendship first and everything will go beyond that if it is the right thing. I’m so happy for you once again. All the best. Hope to keep hearing from you on this side of the world. God bless. ❤ ❤

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  8. Definitely. I never took anything seriously and that included relationships, “it is what it is” when your in your teens and early 20s until you meet that special someone, then it matters, everything before is just life experience. In my opinion anyway. Great post

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    1. Yeah it might not be serious in the sense you end up marrying or hvn a big fat wedding but people just being players because they are young is just not acceptable. Yes I don’t take life seriously cz I’m young but I definitely try my best to not hurt people.

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    2. I have dated older guys too and they all just still playing around too. As I get to my 20s I’m tending to go towards less play and more of serious and sure about what I want in a relationship. I guess the guys I hv been with no matter the age. A 28 year old included seem to still not know what they want. I guess men are never ready for marriage even after they got married. Women are more prepared in some kind off way with the way we are brought up. But thanks for your input. 😊😊😊😊

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  9. Totally, each to their own and all that, i have been with the same woman now for 8 years prior to that I never played anyone or anything, I was far from a saint but I was let’s say “exactly what it said on the tin” not ashamed of that either just how it played out, such is life. No lad or girl is a saint and I think that’s the problem with the current times, this social demand that everyone is flawless, just nonsense. The worst type of person are these lads and girls I see around making out like butter wouldn’t melt but in reality first chance they got they would be in someone else’s bed and or have someone in theirs, all tears afterwards blah blah whatever. Be who you are I say. I was what I was and now I am what I am, wouldn’t apologise to anyone for it either as I wouldn’t expect anyone to apologise to me, life is a collection of “is what it is” moments.

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    1. Yup. True. Agree to all that you said. Life is a collection of is what it is. Can’t change the past. Can change the future. Using the past mistakes to mold the future. But who is perfect anywys. People do things that they didn’t want to. I know I hv done things that wasn’t all acceptable but can’t really do anything about it cz it all boils down to the fact that life is perfect. People aren’t. I wouldn’t apologise for anything I did because well a reaction is due to an action be it negative or positive.

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      1. Here here. It’s what we do after that matters, it’s cliche but so true. Anyway debates like this are great. I could sound off on my preacher box all day long lol

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      2. I could too. People call me a old soul. I am young but an old lady inside when I start talking. I’m not always like this just sometimes I like people to talk about things that are really beneficial in growing as a person.

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    2. And I’m so happy to know that you have a successful marriage. Glad to know that lasting love together. No marriage is perfect. I see my parents struggle through so much but they are still together. I hope one day I find that too. But I’m scared I give up too easily on people cz I just don’t want to be in a marriage where it’s constant compromising. I know it ain’t going to be all joyful and glorious but atleast respect should be there. I see my parents and say yes they are together for decades but the compromises I tell myself I couldn’t be as strong as mom to take so much pain. From what she struggles I don’t want to save a marriage that hurts. Anywys marriage is a scary thing. I just hope I get a marriage with respect and other things that are essential.

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      1. Firstly you are the fastest typer in the world and secondly don’t accept anything but respect. Best advice my dad gave me was marriage is about giving 60% and taking 40% if both parties can do that it’s all good and they will be great.

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  10. Exactly. It’s so hard to find people with good intentions in this stupid generation. It’s getting real bad. I get scared now to go on dates cz all I see is a guy trying so hard to kiss me before I can even tell him abt myslf. Or a guy too charming and too good to be true. Or some who just flat out looking for sex. Or those commitment phobic guys who want sex but not invest. I’m very tradional when it comes to relationships. Most people say sex is very important but I think it’s not bad to wait for a year. Cz for me it’s more personality and a potential relationship than know if you are good in bed. The media has made it so hard that sex is overrated now. I hate this generation. I don’t know if it was better decades ago. I feel like I’m an old soul. I’m very traditional and can’t seem to find any guy who thinks that way anymore.

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  11. I find this generation quite annoying too – I am a 26 year old woman who met my man in a dance class that we both attended, Salsa class 😀 I love dancing and it was fab to meet a man who shares my passion – we have gone on to do Rock & Roll dance classes together and now Foxtrot and Jive dance classes together. It is ace! I love my man and have been with him for nearly 3 years now. I think some people are worth the wait! Also I’ve been single throughout my life at diff points to understand what it is to look after and love myself first before i think of loving anyone else.

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