Right from the age of 13 I have been in and out of several relationships. Back then it was more of a fun thing to do. You meet a boy you like, you start dating. Baam! We call eachother boyfriend and girlfriend. I never really had this feeling of depth to it. Most of the time, my relationships never went beyond a year because for me I approached relationships in a childish way.
I would break up with a guy because he didn’t call me on my birthday. I really had my perception of a relationship in the wrong concept. After dating up to 20 something guys from 13 years to now 20 years old. I realised that I have actually never been alone. I was scared of being alone. Whenever I would decide to not get into another relationship, I would end up getting into one. I realised this had consumed me so much that I didn’t even know who I was. I couldn’t stand being with myself. I started thinking maybe I didn’t love me.
I started craving to get to know me. I wanted to be in a relationship with myself. Many people would call me crazy but I needed to be alone. I prayed to God to help me. Yes, I did. It was that serious. It took God a while because I was still getting involved with guys. But, it took God to break me with the last guy i dated to get me out of the mess I was in. He made me realise that it was time. When God wants to get you out of something, he sometimes makes you go through the hard way. I was heart broken. But now I see the reason why it happened. I am in the best position I ever wanted to be. Growing my relationship with God. He is helping me to love myself. To love my own company. He has made me realise that In order for me to love someone else or be in a relationship with someone. I need to know what I want. I need to know me. I need to love me. Most of all I need to love him and I need to have a successful relationship with him.
Being single is not a misery. It is a gift. It gives you the opportunity to get to know someone worth knowing that is yourself and God. It makes you productive. Helps you focus on being a better you. Sometimes, one needs to be alone to allow God to manifest in your life. Being alone helps God to teach you all you need to know about the perfect man he has in store for you. He makes you prepared and help you recognise the man that he has made to walk with you through life. As I wait for that man , God is by my side.
Has anyone gone through this phase? Or is it just me. The I-don’t-want-to-date anymore-phase-because-I-want-to-date -myself. Or maybe everyone has a different reason why they don’t date anymore. This is just my reason.